


we almost had it all

by cassanabaratheon



Category: Home Fires, Home Fires (ITV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 00:37:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4414139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassanabaratheon/pseuds/cassanabaratheon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s unbearable, the anticipation and agony of wanting, waiting, hoping. The shooting thrills of being so close followed by the crushing knowledge that it was not close enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we almost had it all

**Author's Note:**

> for the tumblr prompt: Teresa & Steph falling in love

It’s unbearable, the anticipation and agony of wanting, waiting, hoping. The shooting thrills of being so close followed by the crushing knowledge that it was not close enough. Circling each other, drawing in till only breaths apart, then stepping back to keep a safe distance from the danger, the desire.

_You can’t say things like that._

_Why not? I love-_

_No!_  

///

Days drift into weeks, into months, without a word, without anything. Then, when Alison is taken away, and she is in such a state, she finds herself banging at her door. Even in her recollections she is unsure how it happened, ranting and raging, close to crying, only to be enveloped in an embrace so tight she can barely breathe but she finds she does not mind. She kisses her quite suddenly and everything instantly stops. Teresa finds her hands have already settled on her hips and this time, as she presses her lips to hers, the floodgates open and, in each other, they drown.

_I love you, too._

 ///

There is a crumpled letter on the nightstand, the bed covers are rumbled, clothes strewn on the floor and they sit back to back, one each side of the bed, not saying a word. Eventually, Teresa rises and gathers her things, haphazardly pulling on her blouse, struggling with the buttons and the skirt zipper jams as she tugs on it. She curses and this draws Steph out of her daze, eyes wide and red-rimmed.

“Are you going?”

“Do you want me to stay?”

Steph does not reply and Teresa rubs her thumb and forefinger under her eyes.  _I won’t cry, I won’t cry, I won’t cry_. She’s at the doorway, hesitating with a held breath thinking that maybe, just maybe, she will look at her and tell her not to go, not to leave. She doesn’t, she stares at her hands, tightly folded in her lap, knuckles white and straining.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

She slips out of the house unnoticed, everything so eerily quiet. She walks down the lane but the further she goes, the more her heart feels as if it is shattering in her chest and she runs. The blood roars in her ears, her throat and chest burn with every ragged breath but she does not stop, not until her legs give way and she sinks onto the side of the road, heaving and choking, hot tears stinging her eyes.

 ///

_“Leave it, whoever it is can come back another time.”_

_“It might be important, I will only be a second”_

_She watches her go with a wide smile, settling back into the pillows and listens as she pads downstairs and opens the door. She can’t hear what is said, only the mumbling of the unknown visitor and then the door closes and silence. The smile soon fades from her face when the silence continues and she sits up._

_“Steph?”_

_The floorboards creak as she comes up the stairs and when she comes in, her eyes fall on the letter she holds. She throws back the covers, heading towards her but Steph puts out a hand to stop her coming any closer. Her fingers tremble as rips open the envelope, almost dropping it in the attempt. The letter is brief and to the point but the words merge and she has to give it to Teresa to reads them to her._

_“He’s been injured but he is alive,” she says, trying to smile reassuringly but that has little effect on the other woman._

_Steph slowly sits on the side of the bed, hunching over and covering her face with her hands. Teresa places the letter on the nightstand before crouching by her, attempting to take one of her hands but Steph bats her efforts away. She cries in breathy sobs, rocking slightly back and forth and Teresa cannot do anything for her until her tears subside and all that can be heard in the room are sharp intakes of breath._

_“Steph?”_

_“You should go, Teresa,” she murmurs, wiping her face with the back of her hand and avoids looking at her._

_“I can’t leave you like this,” Teresa says, taking one of her hands, squeezing it but Steph does not react._

_“Please Teresa. You have to go.”_

_“But you love me.”_

_“Yes,” Steph looks at her sadly. “I do. But I love my husband as well and he needs me. My son needs me and I can’t pretend anything can become of this.”_

_“Steph…” she tries to touch her shoulder but she shrinks back and it stuns her. They have had this conversation many times over the months but each time they came back together, gripping onto each other, gasping and so desperate in their wanting. This time it is different. There is something final in her words and Teresa knows she has lost._

 

 ////

She picks herself, dusts down her skirt and brushes the grit from her palms. There will be time later for tears, for grieving and the full throws of heartache. After that, there will be silence between them, cordial but strained smiles when they meet, fleeting looks filled with sadness but also resolve. Then there will be the memories, not too painful to bring up, of tumbling and giggling in the barn, the daring kisses exchanged behind the school when no one was around and the lazing in the bath, warm, content, and brimming with joy. There will be all of that and she will think how, for those few months, they had it all.


End file.
